confessions of a drama mom

Yesterday

2011-10-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

Wake up. Sneak out of bed away from Aidia.
Go pee.
Walk downstairs to four, fourteen year old girls sleeping on my couch.
Grab phone and take a picture.
Bring cat down from Rio's room and feed her.
Make pancakes and fruit (trying extra hard not to burn them and actually succeeding this time) and leave on the counter.
Make coffee for me and Ray.
Answer an email to my friend, Angie, in a conversation regarding some creepy so-called 13 year old stalking Daniel and Sarkis online.Yuck.
Tell the girls about the pancakes on my way upstairs and get a typical teen response.
Continue through my morning routine of showering and dressing.
Wake up Daniel.
Clean breakfast plates.
Dress and entertain Aidia.
Remind Daniel to brush his teeth.
Chase the cat out of the garage.
Remind Daniel to brush his teeth.
Say goodbye to the girls as they get picked up.
Get a compliment from Rio about my pancakes (which was awesome because she doesn't even really like pancakes).
Then, of course,
remind Daniel to brush his teeth.

Pile in the car and take Daniel to freeskate at Volcom
(with the dog in tow so we can go to the Bark Park afterward).
Watch Daniel skate as Aidia tries to make friends with another little girl
and gets devastatingly rejected. Hold Aidia as she sobs.
Watch a little skater boy no older than four doing the 'pee pee dance' and mention it to Rio.
Watch him hop off his board and head to the bathroom.
Have Rio bring to my attention how amazingly in tune I am to the potty cycles of children.
Watch Sammy pull on the leash as he tries to herd the skaters.
Feel thankful Ray is there to be the big dog and handle Sammy,
and feel proud of Daniel for being such a talented little dude as I watch him skate.

Finish at Volcom, and then head to the Bark Park with Sammy.
Watch Sammy run.
And run.
And run.

Acquire the privilege of carrying Aidia's big pink jewelry box that she insists on bringing into the dog park
and doesn't want to hold anymore.
Get a shower by an overgrown poodle shaking it's head.
Keep Aidia away from the puddles.

Pile in to the car and head home.
Cook tacos for dinner and eat around Aidia's little table for the Vitamin Water Party she invites us to.
Start the process of cleaning our carpets with the cleaner Ray rented the night before.
Put Aidia in the bath and the cat in the bathroom with her while we clean the carpets upstairs.
Watch the cat find interest in the bathwater.
Finish carpets just in time to get the cleaner back to Albertsons.
Feel exhausted but thankful the house doesn't smell like Sammy's pee anymore.
Get Aidia out of the bath and feed her Ramen for dinner while she watches My Little Pony in her playhouse. Clean up last things that were in disaray from doing the carpets.
Fall asleep while laying with Aidia on the couch and surfing Netflix.

Wake up. Smell dog pee.

Hello, Monday.

Daniel's Fondant Techno Cake Prevails

2011-05-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

Yes! The cake made it to the table:) it was a chaotic comedy show getting it there; one which I will possibly elaborate more on later. For now, I'm okay with the results of my first attempt at decorating a cake with fondant. Being that I am your typical disaster waiting to happen, I can appreciate the value in learning what to not do next time, like don't use 'whipped' butter cream icing as the fondants 'glue', and also make sure you have enough fondant or know how to make more...Hence my mushy looking cake that was only two layers instead of three.

I am satisfied enough though, because I loved the robot head I made for the topper, and so did the kids. It took a while and some failed attempts to come up with a plan, but once the parts were all together, I realized it only cost me about twelve dollars for everything. I got the mask, clear bucket, mini lights, foam 'knobs', and candles at a craft store. I painted the mask and foam 'knob' ears silver (thanks, Honey:), cut the forehead off, hot glued it to the inside of the lid, and added a brain behind it out of a blinky Disney necklace and random springs from the garage. Voilà! It even blinked! (not noticeable in the pics, unfortunately). It actually looked pretty cool, thank goodness. The techno head was the talk of the party.

Robot's Brain (pic doesn't show it blinking)

Considering I've been really sick for two

Aidia and her love of balloons...

Alexis and Aidia playing Ziggy

weeks, this project went pretty well. Most importantly, my son had a great time with his friends. As long as I got that cake on the table, with it's measly two layers, I knew everything would be fine;)

The kids playing Miniclips on Daniel's laptop

The homemade birthday banner

What Happened Last Night?

2011-05-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,

Photo Credit from Google Images (Anonymous)

I should have never said anything about deleting you. I lost your trust and you bailed. I logged on to take another look at you last night, and you weren't there:( WTF? I know Blogger said that it was down for maintenance, but I was able to see my account right in front of me and you weren't on it. What made it worse, is my other blog did the same. So, for about an hour last night, I was completely alone, staring at a big, empty blogger account.
Who was I going to talk to? What about all I had shared with you? Was it going to be like it never existed? I started going through 'should have's' like 'I should have saved the important things', and 'I should have spent more time with it'. And then, you were back. Just like that.
I'm not going to ask questions. I don't care what happened. I'm just so happy you weren't gone forever. I feel like this is my second chance to really do good by you. You've always been good to me. With you, I can be whoever I want to be. Whenever you talk about me, you describe me as a better person than I feel I really am . You fulfill my narcism indirectly and make my day more interesting. I don't care if I have no readers at all, I will never doubt how important you are to me.
Thank you for being you, and please don't ever leave me again.
Sincerely,
Dana

I've Been Cheating On You

2011-05-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

My Dearest Blog,
I've been cheating on you. I've begun another blog and it's completely different than you. It's a cool blog, with great content and a lot to say. At first, I was completely obsessed with learning about it, watching numerous documentaries and reading countless books. It made me want more. Yet, now that I know it fairly well, it's becoming a bit complex to think about on a daily basis. Now that the newness has worn off, I've realized I'd prefer to be posting again on the blog that knows me best. Will you take me back?
I did want to ask, though, if it would be okay if I still hang out with the other blog now and then, just as friends?!
Sincerely,
Dana

Eco Easter Baskets

2011-04-22T15:47:00.001-07:00

These Easter baskets were very basic, but the kids think they're great! I tried to use stuff that was laying around (fabric, puffy Spring stickers, markers, name tags, hot glue gun) to save a trip to the store. The genius part was washing and saving the gallon jugs in advance and hot gluing the fabric to the insides, since I've never been much in to 'planning ahead', but I had a vision;)

What I liked about making these for our Easter party was the ease of personalizing each one for the child, without taking too much time out of the party. They sat down and added their choice of stickers, we slapped their name on it, and we were ready to hunt!

If you want to go totally crazy with being environmentally friendly, you can also decorate organic, cage free eggs for your basket. Since the eggs are usually brown, we used stickers, mini googly eyes, markers, and puffy paints to decorate them. You can also paint them if you want by using regular craft paint with brushes. These baskets make for an original and homey feeling Easter, as well as another opportunity to teach about making healthy eating choices and protecting the earth:)

Happy Hunting!

Motherbots

2010-10-22T12:18:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering the completely complicated female psyche lately. Yes, my pattern of analyzing everything to death is naturally one of the things I'm now analyzing to death.

Certain images come to my mind when I picture the essence of what a woman is... Eve, Juliet, Cleopatra, Amelia Earhart, Marilyn Monroe...women who followed the desires of the heart over logic; the same desires that some have said inevitably ended up destroying them. Are the answers simply, with the understanding of many, that it's the faulty design of the female for having an impractically idealistic nature...or do we see tragedy in the idea that a woman can be designed to need for something that was realistically only tangible within her childhood dreams? I suppose a little of both.

In our youth, aging seems centuries away. In our middle ages, youth seems like yesterday. We still feel like the young girl who dreams of a life that fulfills her in every way. Yet, we grow to learn that life stories are more complicated than love stories. Dreams don't account for the part of the equation where our female design insists on feeding our need to feel loved and valued regularly. It's hard enough to fulfill this while being a wife. Now throw in being a mother and there can be very little time for paying attention.

Becoming a housewife and mother largely affects the ability of the emotionally love hungry female psyche to feed. Uma Thurman said it perfectly in the movie, Motherhood. She described the day of a mom being made of concrete, specific tasks that repeat over and over again in a manner in which it debilitates us from being able to produce any kind of passion. These tasks don't waiver depending on whether it's a weekend or holiday, or when we're fighting a flu. Then that day comes where we look in the mirror and realize we've become a 'Motherbot'.

As I glop on more irony I must say from my own experience that even though children can definitely be a roadblock during those times we need to nurture our psyche, it is also their love that gives us worth and value as a woman. It is those small pivotal moments of peace each day when we are able to slow down, look at our children and realize that this monotonous secession of tasks in our lives has also been the primary force that has saved us.

So, where do women find balance with so many challenges keeping them un unstable ground? That is an answer that each of us can only find out for ourselves. I'm thinking embracing who we are without guilt is a good foundation. Our obsession with needing love and passion in our lives is what make us women. It is that exact formula that is part of our design. It is what makes us nurturing, loyal, affectionate and maternal. It's what gives us the generosity to think of others before ourselves, what gives us the strength to nurse the whole family to health, or the patience to be the constant arms of reassurance. Women have an inner passion and energy that draws others like a drug...keeping that passion tamed is truly an art form. If we could only be satisfied with 'Motherbot'.

The man's desire is for the woman; but the woman's desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man. ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Stupid Shows Make Way for Smart Decisions

2010-03-06T00:15:00.000-08:00

This is one of those posts that falls very well under the "Confessions" part of my blog title.

It's, once again, about the choices I'm making in regards to my teen daughter. We've begun a bit of a bonding time in the evening when I'm folding laundry and she's done facebooking. We snuggle up in our spots in front of the hypnotizer and play our favorite recorded shows off our glorious DVR (God, I love that technology).

A few of the reality shows we've latched on to are "World's Strictest Parents" and yes, we've lately fallen prey to "Teen Mom".

World's Strictest Parents is a show that I believe all parents should make their teen watch, even if you have to tie them to a chair screaming. Luckily, I didn't have to, because it was found to be entertaining enough for her to get hooked. Simply put, that show has a great way showing how foolish some teen behavior can look when they are looking from the outside-in.

However, getting hooked on "Teen Mom" was a complete shocker for me, especially since I'm still trying to look back at the exact moment I even allowed my eyes to glance at it longer than to hit the mute and hastily change the channel. Yet, somehow I ended up getting sucked in to the same train-wreck-oblivion that had me once watching "Rock of Love".

When I first saw Teen Mom being aired, I was literally sneering at the t.v. in disbelief figuring the creators and producers must not have children to raise if they were coming up with something like THAT. All I could imagine was it glorifying teen pregnancy, or even simply just bringing attention to something my 'baby' shouldn't even be aware exists in the world. I mean, just a few years ago, she still believed that you had to be married to be able to make babies. Ugh. Now she's supposed to get the idea that not only do you not have to be married, but you can even be a baby yourself!

Nevertheless, I have to admit, I kinda like that show. Don't get me wrong, it is still a train wreck. Yet, that's the great thing about it that makes me actually want my daughter to watch it. It very candidly shows just how freakin hard it is to raise a baby when you don't have the means, and how much you have to sacrifice of yourself to be a good parent. Of course, it also portrays very well exactly how ill-equipped the average teen male is at even attempting to be a father (unless he's a rare breed named Tyler).

Just goes to show, just as all the best quotes out there mention regarding a healthy perspective on life, it's life's mistakes that we learn and grow from. In this regard, I hope my 'baby' girl learns from those types of mistakes by watching other people make them. Gulp.

"To Err is"...Animal?! A Theory of 'Wrong'

2010-01-22T14:53:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, existing on this earth in this day and time is a challenging feat. Most of the time, we all feel that we are just surviving each day as it comes. The meaning of life is always just out of our grasp, as we struggle to find the path we are meant to walk. Wrong choices can be so easily made when the most consistent guidance we have is the voice in our head, which is painstakingly persuaded by so many factors. So, how do we know what decisions are truly the 'right' or 'wrong' ones? How do we really know if we are making the right decisions?

First it would be appropriate to start off with the core subject of why we're on this earth to begin with. Some have said that our existence is meant to be a series of random moments in which we should fill it with an abundance of pleasurable experiences (aka 'you only live once'). Others argue that it is a gift that has been presented to us as we are meant to show our appreciation through loving others selflessly. Even further, some have said we are simply an 'experiment' in which we have been given all the resources needed to survive and then are in somewhat of a fishbowl being analyzed by a higher power. This is an age old question that will always have dozens of theories behind it, and depending on what you believe to be the case regarding your reason for being on this earth, the ideals of right and wrong most often do play a large part in your decision making process.

Either way, the true concept of 'wrong' doesn't change depending on anyone's beliefs, because it falls under the simple basis of either acting 'human', or not.

Let me elaborate...

According to Wikipedia, being "wrong" refers to a situation wherein an individual has made an error or misjudgment. This idea of making choices that can be 'wrong' has proven to fall under different principals depending on what species is being analyzed.

In insects and animals, the process of making decisions is egotistically based with a strict sense of survival. A black widow spider kills it's mate after it impregnates her, a hamster kills it's counterpart if it falls ill in the same cage, and a mother of a litter usually always kills the smallest and most feeble of the pack so it doesn't slow down the rest. This is all perfectly acceptable in the world of animals, yet if attempted by 'humans' would be unthinkable, disgusting, downright sick.

Genetically, humans and animals are very similar. Being that both are mammals, we are made of the same physical components; Carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Calcium and hundreds of many other subtle elements. According to Time Magazine's "How Man Began", March 19, 1994, "There is 'no single essential difference that separates humans from other animals". In a nutshell, their investigation supported that the only difference between humans and animals is a slight variation in a genetic code.
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So, what is it that proves the apparent difference between other mammals and humans? If not physical, it must be metaphysical.

Our metaphysical uniqueness is powerful enough to have allowed 'humans' as the only species with the ability to invent, develop languages, cure illnesses, perform surgery, travel across the world and even into space, and lets not forget slowly accomplish the miraculous feat of nearly destroying our planet. Even though we may have once started out on a primal level, we do not follow the ways of nature in which animals do anymore, even at times we all wish we did. It seems one of the reasons for this is that our metaphysical minds have outgrown and evolved from being content with simply surviving.

This element that makes humans so unique is explored in many forms blanketing the internet and bookstores, like this mentioning by someone named GU-UN on "Yahoo Answers" as he was giving his input on the question "What are the Philosophical Differences Between Animals and Humans?" He stated...

"The body of man is in common with the animal.
The mind of man is completely unique, which does not exist in the animal. Therefore, if a man acted like an animal, he would be unhappy.
Any men who denied their rational sense, have denied their noble station. The animal is happy because it naturally satisfies the desires of the body; man is unhappy because he has to go through education to accomplish intellectual satisfaction.
The happiness of man is definitely not in the carnal satisfaction. It is false philosophy, or mere ignorance, which considers man as an animal."

Even though a brief statement regarding such a vast subject, it hits a very key idea. That part of our genetic design that has given us something no other animal has is like is the difference between one cup of water and dieing of dehydration. It may just be one cup of water, but what an amazing cup it is.

Human minds are spiritually set in a moralistic realm in which we naturally have developed a deeper need for the meaning of life, a longing to be loved, and an ongoing search for purpose. Whether it's inherent after years of evolution, or learned during our formative years, the bottom line is that it is who we are and it is what has set us apart from any other species and gives us the honor of being able to distinguish ourselves as 'human'.

So, here's the magic question... If we are in agreement about the fact that we are indeed human and not animals, and that being 'human' is simply keyed in to the way we behave more so than our physical DNA...then should we accept the idea that we are only human if we behave 'human'? Right?! This would mean moving along a path in life where we are not "denying our rational sense" as it would be "denying our noble station".

IMO,we would be selling ourselves depressingly short by not continuing to challenge that small, yet profound part of us that makes us unique and is the root of how we will continue to evolve in the metaphysical realm and become closer to full spirituality, God, the Universe, or what ever it is that we imagine to be our goal as a species with an ongoing need to find the meaning of life.

If we are to do this, then our decisions should not be formed on a physical level, but on a metaphysical, or psychological one. Meaning, that we should be always asking ourselves what we can do to grow spiritually, not what we can do to satisfy ourselves physically as an animal would in the wild. This simply means putting the best interest of others before our own/ basing decisions on moral principals.

Using the word "human" to the fullest extent, maybe you should look at the selections below and ask yourself if you're behaving more human than animal. The answers may shock some people who think they are just automatically 'human' without earning the title. Even further, there are some animals I know of that act more 'human'...

Humans:

Solidify relationships with a commitment in which they are faithful in respect to themselves and their lover

Animals:

May have one mate at times, but there is no exercise in faithfulness or respect. The male usually impregnates many females with no concern of anyone but himself, the female sometimes kills the male after impregnation.

Humans:

Bare children with their partner with careful planning and consideration for how to raise them properly. Make a commitment to not only feed and protect their offspring from physical dangers, but to also protect their emotional well being by putting their children's best interest before their own.
Animals:

Females have multiple litters by many different fathers, leave the weakest to die when they're born or even kill them. Males just look for 'a warm place to put it' (Dr. Laura Schlessinger's quote) whenever and where ever it feels good.

Humans:
Share the world around them with all other living creatures by carefully earning, planning and rationing all goods and services. Also, humans give some of what is theirs to others who are in need.
Animals:
Take what they can, when they can, without regard for other's needs or feelings. Animals have a very set of principals...find what feels or tastes good and get it before others do.

Where do you fall? I must admit, I've been a bit of an animal at times myself. I prefer to now try to save that behavior for Halloween, or other times I like to play dress up:)

Yeah, it's Purple.

2010-01-16T21:42:00.000-08:00

So, I'm imagining there are a lot of parents out there that are a bit bewildered that I would allow such a thing. To be honest, I'm a bit bewildered myself.

Just as many subjects go, it's all how you choose to look at it. I choose to see a beautiful girl with good grades who is responsible, trustworthy, honest, and respectful to others who just happens to like her hair purple.

Even further, I'm actually proud of her for doing something she wanted to do, even though she knew that it may foster some negative comments and teasing. She is proving to be exactly what I wished I could have been when I was her age. More confident. Confident to be exactly who she wants to be, no matter what others might say. A bit of that rubbed off on me when I allowed it, because I knew I would also receive choice comments and decided that if it didn't matter to her, it certainly wouldn't to me.

I must admit, when I have interviews with parents coming to check out my preschool, I feel a bit compelled to schedule them during the times my little purple troll is in school. That's just the reality of it.

So, was it worth it?

There was a point in time during our six hour ordeal at the salon where we thought the purple wasn't going to work. Somehow, her hair was not pulling in the color and we were at a stand still. Finally, after her sister's nap in the stroller had run it's course, a trip to Starbucks, a vegetarian sub sandwich, an extra trip to the beauty supply, and another half a bill later, we finally got the purple she wanted.

Then came the moment of truth...the moment she raised her head from the rinsing sink and looked in the mirror with her purple locks...her moment of total satisfaction and excitement with the end result. I haven't seen her that happy with herself in a long time. That's when I knew it was the right choice, and yes, it was worth it.

This is the year 2010. I'm not surprised at all my child has purple hair. However, there are a whole lot of other dynamics on this earth that continue to shock the hell out of me. Go figure.

Why Children Should Color

2009-12-01T15:44:00.000-08:00

By: Arnold Watson
At one point in everybody's life they have sat down with a box of crayons and some paper and began to paint. Some people may see this activity as something to have youngsters perform to fill up time or as a fun activity. However, coloring is beneficial to youngsters for plenty of reasons.

Color Recognition

When a kid begins to color it is often the 1st time they're experiencing color recognition. By coloring a kid will learn the difference between the colors. When children are exposed to coloring at a young age they often have less difficulty understanding the colours and the way to mix colors to make other colors. Expression
One of the very basic reasons for a kid to paint is to be ready to express themselves freely. Regularly coloring is used as care to find out more about how a kid is feeling. Many youngsters aren't cosy expressing themselves in words or by talking and regularly find art as an outlet for their feelings.

Building Fine Motor talents

Coloring is not just a sort of self expression but an activity that will help children build their fine motor talents. A kid may begin to color just for fun, but while doing so begins to develop the fine motor skills they're going to need later in life. Coloring helps a child develop the muscles in their hands which can become important later in life for things like typing where the hand and arms need to work together. Learning this coordination is vital to a child's development. When learning to paint children learn how to grip and control the crayon. Coloring is usually a child's first experience with the simple way to properly grip a writing instrument.

Learning Focus and bounds

A kid sees a coloring activity as something fun to do. However, by performing a coloring activity that has destined lines a child is learning about bounds and the way to focus to finish a picture. When a kid is given the job of completing a coloring sheet they regularly learn about staying within the lines. The job of having a child finish a coloring sheet and to stay within the lines will help them later on while learning handwriting. Having the ability to color within the lines also increases a kid's attention span by teaching them to concentrate on the coloring project. Coloring within the lines is a significant point that many children are proud to do. Having the ability to coloring within the bounds of the coloring sheet is often something children are extraordinarily proud of.

Article by: Arnold Watson

The Axiom of Freedoms

2009-11-01T00:40:00.000-07:00

Upon the eve of my a few of my posts, I've wondered if my opinion stated has been overzealous and if voicing how I feel about issues that I'm passionate about is wrong.

My dilemma is that I am sensitive to criticism, because I'm sensitive in general. However, in order for me to carry on with my quest, I remind myself to look at all the ones who state their differing opinions, and I can rest assured they have always come from those who are more often guided by the same force I am when I'm not following the path of my true spirit, the force of my ego.

I know from my own experience both sides of every coin I choose to debate. During my posting rants, I never hesitate to make it clear that I sometimes still continue to have those thoughts that take me off the path of what I know is right. Yet, my argument is one of life being about choosing to be who you are...not allowing feelings, which can be so easily manipulated by people, media, hormones, chemical imbalances, past experiences, etc... to guide you into making moral choices. One of my favorite quotes..."Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself". I can be pretty confidant in saying whoever wrote that wouldn't be having a problem with my posts.

A vision comes to me of someone who's been doing something they knew in their heart was wrong (even if it's so damn deep they don't connect with it mentally), yet they defend their actions simply with the idea that they have the right to make their own choices and not be judged.

IMO, describing an opposing opinion as 'judging' is just one of those words that makes freedom of speech sound unfashionable. It's not written anywhere in the Declaration of Independence that because you have freedom to make choices that you automatically also have freedom from correction. The problem of this misunderstanding of 'freedoms' happened where the first axiom (a healthy recognition that other people have different opinions) turned into the second and subsequent belief; that everyone's opinion is equally valid, and that contradicting someone in error is impolite, arrogant or somehow infringing on their freedoms.

As a writer, it is my responsibility to myself and ones who find interest in my posts to be as honest and forthcoming as I feel fit, or my blog simply becomes a stroking of everyone else's egos...the very egos that I feel are taking too much precedence.

Let me end by stating that the reason I say what I do about the choices being made out there in this world of beauty and turmoil, is BECAUSE I love everyone I write about. If I didn't love them, I wouldn't give a shit what they did. I've had many times where my closest friends and family had to slap some sense in to me, and sometimes it took weeks or even as much as years to realize how thankful I was for their criticism, and now I'm so blessed they cared enough to risk their role in my life to straighten me out. I love you...my best friend of 25 years, Angie.

xoxo

Typical.

2009-09-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

A divorced life along the lines of Demi and Bruce is designed to look like the norm through hollywood media. Unfortunately, real life odds have proven that scenario continues to be statistically atypical.

I suppose you should first ask yourself why you are turning in the direction of divorce. If you don't have any children and you are just realizing early on that you weren't ready to settle down, then you should probably read someone else's post that falls along the lines of 'marrying young' or 'sowing wild oats'.

However, if you've made the decision to bare children with another and/or invest the most invaluable moments of your life in building a union of true significance, yet you have fallen into a pattern of negative communication, blaming, resentment, financial turmoil, and parenting disputes and now feel divorce is the only answer... then read on, because divorcing your spouse may not take you in the direction you expect.

How do I know this? Read some of my other posts and I imagine you'd deem me qualified. On the job experience, my friend. No, not of the divorcee (although some of my experience does come from nearly getting divorced at one time as well). Mainly, what I've learned comes from living through divorce... as a child of not just one, but several.

Divorce typically doesn't erase parenting issues between divorced parents. Each parent will still negate what the other tried to enforce and the homes will be divided like war zones.

Divorce typically doesn't erase money issues between divorced parents. Financial problems usually escalate because of the dynamics of child support, separate households, separate vacations, separate interests without a common goal, etc.

Divorce typically doesn't erase dysfunctional communication between divorced parents. It won't matter to the children whether you're fighting face to face or from different houses. They still feel the dread over their parents unresolved hate for each other and continue to carry that into adulthood.

If your reason for wanting a divorce is that you don't want to keep fighting in front of your children, divorcing is not going to remedy that problem. The solution is to choose to do everything possible to keep your family together while using every resource possible to learn to quit fighting. Use every resource possible to remember what it was that you loved about your spouse enough to marry them. Use every resource possible to learn how you can appreciate them for who they are in the real world, as a parent, partner, friend, lover, etc... Not who you wish they were according to fantasy or media.

Once you have made the commitment to yourself, your spouse and God to bare children with someone, the reasons for breaking that unit should be morally justifiable. If they aren't then, your anger toward the family for debating your reasons for leaving is unfounded.

With Love (the REAL kind),
Dana

Rhianime

2009-09-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

My beautiful twelve year old daughter, Rhiannon, has found her niche. As I see her come downstairs every morning, I'm puzzled by her tenacity. However, I'm proud that she'd have the gumption to make a statement that breaths originality and humor by pulling together an ensemble emanating a successfully persuasive Picasso ideal of... fashion.

Purposely miss-matching and making no sense at all to the 'average' onlooker, she throws together ensembles with a quirky style that others typically will have some choice words to describe, yet I see as kitschy and original; therefore brilliant.

Yes, we parent her..There's parental block on the TV, no MySpace account allowed, no dating until she's 16 (dad says 21), she has chores everyday, restriction for disrespectful behavior, limited computer time, homework standards, yada, yada, yada. We must be doing a sufficient job, because she continues to be at the top of her class, has a great sense of humor and self confidence, which I suppose is one of the reasons she has so much fun getting dressed in the morning.

Our limits are just that..limits, not restrictions. We don't restrict her from wearing what she wants, we just limit how she wears it. Skirts not too short, no black eyeliner at school, etc. We also encourage her to understand that no matter what she wears, it's never complete without a smile. The restriction would only come if she began to blend with an unhealthy crowd or think getting bad grades was part of her fashion statement.

Anyways, to parent well it doesn't seem necessary to me to isolate as much as evaluate. It's more about giving them the benefit of the doubt first, which makes them feel trusted, and allowing some freedom to find themselves in the ways that appeal to them. In this case, allowing my daughter the freedom of self expression...And that's just what it is...freedom. Freedom to be who she feels she is becoming as a person.

After all, fashion is a form of art and art is self expression. It doesn't always mean everyone is going to like it, and as long as her dad and I feel she's being respectful enough, we want her to do just that. Otherwise, if she can't use fashion (or writing poetry, acting, or painting...which she also loves to do) as a way to express her feelings, then she may turn to something else that I'm

not so crazy about. I don't even want to say the word.

Sooo, I've included a few pics of my little "Rhianime" and ho pe to remind other parents out there who have children interested in Anime fashion, that it could be worse...at least they are exploring colors other than black, and have a smile when they walk through the mall. Except, of course, the modelesque pout looks good now and then:)

Real Life Fairy Tale (from the Fallen Princesses Collection by Dina Goldstein)

2009-08-28T00:35:00.000-07:00

Wait a minute...the fairy tales didn't mention any of this. Damn.

I sometimes wish my life was that of a princess...

until I realize how uncomfortable that dress looks.

Crickets

2009-08-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

The window is open and an evening breeze is lightly cooling my face. I hear the crickets outside. I am unknowingly at the cusp of learning a whole new perspective of crickets.
Two nights ago, my husband took our two year old outside for their nightly marveling of the moon and stars before bedtime. Yet, that time it was different. She had a sudden fear of what she had heard so many times, yet had not focused in on to analyze...the sound of crickets.

I heard an unfamiliar fussing coming from the window as he made his way back in prematurely to tell me of her new fear. It was sweet to me that her perception had become more vivid, yet I also felt sad that the routine that had once calmed her was now causing her to be afraid.

Last night, my husband wanted to take her out again. She began fearing her exit, as she heard the crickets again. Yet, instead of continuing outside, my husband walked back into the house and sat with her at his computer. He looked up 'crickets' and gave our two year old a new lesson in what exactly a cricket was. He used words like "silly", "happy", "funny" and "singing". Then, he handed her to me and had me walk with them outside to discover the new idea of the cricket with her. This time, she didn't cry or whine. She didn't beg to go inside. She held me tight, but she looked and listened. By the time we went back inside, she was talking about the crickets with wonder and amazement instead of fear and desperation.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if all that life has to show is could be envisioned as a gift or opportunity to learn, instead of an obstacle keeping us from enjoying our world around us? I was reminded once again of why I love my husband when I witnessed him with our baby girl, spending the time to alleviate her fears and turn them into understanding and wonder. If we could have a bit of that in all of us, where ever we go, or with whomever we come in contact with....I know for a fact I'd be spending a lot more nights on the front porch.

If an Illegal Immigrant is an "Undocumented Worker", then a Drug Dealer is an "Unlicensed Pharmacist"

2009-06-24T15:33:00.001-07:00

As I was scrolling through the childcare section on Craigslist today, I decided to take a short detour from peaking at nanny positions to read a post with the title "WHY DO PARENTS INSIST ON HIRING NANNIES WHO DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH?"

Being a lover of a great read and familiar with Craigslist banter, I was naturally hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. Pleasantly surprised, I was actually pretty impressed. Not that some of the parents don't make a good point here and there, but their writing skills leave a lot to be desired, which causes any point they are trying to make to get lost behind misspelled rants and over dramatizations. However, the post I read today was not just interesting, but interesting enough for me to consider for my beloved blog.

Here it is...

WHY DO PARENTS INSIST ON HIRING NANNIES WHO DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH?

Let's face it: Those who have a true passion and love for the industry have seen the decline in positions and pay over the years. Even before the economy went to crap, us American, professional and educated nannies have been fighting for our jobs. Why? Because some parents (not all) are perfectly fine hiring a nanny that does not speak English (and is not legal) simply because they are cheaper than myself. "Why pay the going rate of $17 an hour and taxes- when I can pay only $8.00 in cash" At the end of the day, it comes down to cost. When the unemployment rate is breaking 10%, we have no business giving jobs to those who have come into this country illegally. We, as Americans should be taking care of our legal citizens...our neighbors, first. To call an illegal immigrant an “undocumented worker” is no different than calling a drug dealer an “unlicensed pharmacist”.

Hiring a nanny is supposed to be a hard decision, one that takes time and diligence. I wish these parents could see the impact their dense decisions have on their children’s childhood. These people come from third world countries, often without a tb test, or any immunizations at all for that matter. They get our kids sick! Swine flu anyone?? I have seen so many children at the park, playing all alone because there was a language barrier between them and the nanny. I ask her if the children can play with us and she has no clue what I am saying. (Not to mention the nanny was too busy talking on her phone in some other language to pay attention to the child/ren) Parents, wake up...I can't think of anything more selfish. Some parents have these illegal nannies drive their children around too! If they can’t speak English how can they understand basic traffic signs and rules of the road??? Chances are they don’t even have a drivers license, let alone insurance. Never mind about a background check and such! Did the mother or father ever stop and say, "Maybe my child wants a trustline checked caregiver who can communicate with them" or "My family would benefit from having a nanny who is honest with the government and those they work for." So much for having a nanny who fosters imagination, promotes self acceptance and actually enjoys bug hunts and tea parties.

We teach our children to be honest, show integrity and to do the right thing yet when their parents hire a nanny-- they hire an illegal immigrant and pay them under the table. How sad. Shall we teach our children the definition of hypocrisy too?

About five years ago, I replaced an illegal nanny who was deported, at the interview the mother told me how the other nanny could not speak English and actually made a bottle using flour and water rather than formula and water...because she couldn't read the label which was in English. This was the same nanny who was putting the baby in the car seat and noticed the toddler wandered into the street, since the child could not understand the nanny and her commands to get out of the street...he was almost hit by a car. Thankfully the children were fine but the Mother learned the hard way as to why having a professional nanny in the home has endless benefits, she hired me on the spot at the interview.

I'm professional career nanny with two degrees (one in child development and another from NYU in cultural studies) I have spent the past twenty years working in the homes of families who value my work and appreciate my contribution to the family and children's lives. I look forward to more nannies and families raising the bar and giving this profession the creditability it deserves. We (the professional nanny) work because we love children, because they fill our live with such joy and inspiration. I’m proud to say I get paid above the table, on the books and yes…I speak perfect English. I also speak Spanish and French and I know sign language.

Anonymous

Lemonaidia

2009-06-14T01:15:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with my first two kiddos, I remember thinking that when pregnant women were having those ridiculous cravings they were just using that as an excuse to gorge. Pickles and ice cream...yada yada yada.

Then, came baby number three.

Let's just put it out there that I am so unbelievably sorry for ever thinking a negative thought about cravings or eating while pregnant. OMG. That pregnancy was so bizarre and unpredictable that it completely changed my whole outlook on that subject.

What's funny is that when I was surfing the net during concern for my sanity (and nutritional safety), I found tons of instances online where so many other mothers had strange cravings and even medical reasons why the most bizarre stuff made sense. So awesome what surfing the web can do. I went from feeling like an alien, to feeling like a 'normal' alien.

Allow me to elaborate. During my first six weeks of pregnancy number weird, I was extremely nauseated. Ironically, the only thing that seemed to help was to eat, but certain things were absolutely NOT on the menu. My bank account was thanking me as my Starbucks habit fell to the wayside. However, I think I kept the ice, orange juice, lemon, and even sponge and cleanser businesses thriving.

At first, ice was the culprit. As time moved on and belly grew bigger, my focus turned to lemons. I had to have lemons constantly. Not just the lemon, but the rind was glorious. Probably about six lemons a day. I was a nanny at the time and would grocery shop for my bosses house, making sure I included a few extra lemons to the shopping list so I wouldn't go without while at work. When we were out to eat, my husband learned to ask the waitress for a side of extra lemons for the table. It was insane.

This went on for a while, but then I took a trip to Home Depot and lemons were forced to share their spot on the pedestal with another new love. Sponges.

It was a chance meeting from afar. My eyes caught a sales rack of random items hanging in carefully planned out visual marketing locations, and there it was... a big yellow sponge. At first I had an unexpected desire to squeeze it. So I did. I fell weak and had to purchase that sponge, confused all the while at what the heck I was doing. I just wanted to squeeze it. The texture in my hand was so obsessive-compulsively needed.

The sense of touch transformed into more...a sense of smell, as I graduated into taking a big wiff of that sponge while it was drenched in dish soap. That's right.

No, I'm not done yet. Sense of taste. I was chewing the sponge. Thank goodness the insanity stopped there and I didn't have the craving to actually eat it, or believe me I would have.

As I found solace with my fellow moms-to-be in online forums, I read of other kitschy little cravings as well and was taken-a-back even more than from my own. Confessions of cravings for dirt and brick mortar made my hang up seem mild. Amazingly, there were scientific studies for why those odd cravings make sense. Evidently, it's called Pica Disorder, which is a fancy word for saying you are grouped in with others who all have a craving of strong tastes or smells (mostly chemical). It's supposed to be a sign that your body is deficient in certain vitamins and minerals. Brick mortar has certain minerals that can be lacking during pregnancy, as well as dirt. Amazing.

A cute last little quip to end the subject...My baby number three just happens to LOVE lemons since she began eating solids. She chews them with the squeezed face pleasantry that I did during those nine months of adventure. Even funnier, we named her Aidia without realizing that if we put 'lemon' in front of it we'd have the perfect nickname...'Lemonaidia'. True story! I've included a few pictures for your viewing pleasure.
Bon appetit!

Kiss Your Husband

2009-05-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

Kiss your husband when he comes home from work. Not just today, but every day, and witness how one simple act can make a powerful difference.

Women have always been nurturers by instinct, and men protectors. Since males have the physiological make up of a protector, much of their worth relies on just that, to protect. In this day and age, the theory still applies. If for some reason he can not financially provide for his family sufficiently, it's as if he failed slaying the dragon.

This is why the main role that a husband and father takes on is his ability to provide for his family. Rightfully so. It is something he expects of himself, and also something his family depends on him for. However, his efforts to provide are not the only thing that he should be appreciated for or encouraged to do within the household. In this day and age, it is the very fiber that makes a father the protector of the family that also should be utilized in other areas of the family dynamics as well.

Unfortunately, some families and even fathers themselves believe that their role ends with providing, and there is a sad disconnection. They come home, sit in their comfy (yet hideous) chair, read the paper, eat dinner, watch t.v. and go to bed, only to start all over again the next day. Dad is home, but he's not 'home'. This can be at the fault of the father himself for not opening his mind and heart to the possibilities of fatherhood that lay before him, but also simply because his family may not have done those little things to help him feel he is valued within the family unit to do anymore than provide.

Through multi-tasking and nesting, wives and mother's have a way of sculpting the home all on their own. Even Dad has to ask where his watch or the screwdriver is, and Mom always seems to know. This is endearing and should also be appreciated, but can be another reinforcement of disconnection if the father's role is not established as well. Although it may be done subconsciously by the family, if Dad is only approached when money is needed or the faucet is leaky, his worth may have stopped within those limitations.

Father's have such a wide range of talents and a knack for knowing just how to teach those talents to their children with a sense of humor and simple approach. When our middle child was born, our only boy, my husband was concerned that he wouldn't be able to 'father' him adequately because he's never been into sports. He joked that if it's anything with the word "ball" in it, it's not his thing. So, he naturally focused on the interests that he had as a child and passed them on to our son. Now, some of the best times my husband and son have had have been in the garage working on his vintage bicycles, shopping for new matchbox cars, and metal detecting at old churches. My husband's own unique interests were the best gift he could share with our son because they not only teach our children new skills, but also help them get a more clear and priceless picture of their dad's childhood.

So, we've established that there are ways a father can become more pro-active within every family, and they go far beyond the typical game of catch. But, first Dad needs to feel needed and appreciated so he can get those creative juices flowing. Starting that process can happen quite easily just with a simple switch of routine on everyone's part.

Picture the scenario...Dad walks in after a long day at work, Mom's on the phone, daughter's doing homework, son's playing the Wii, and the dog is the only one greeting him at the door (no wonder dog is man's best friend)...Hmmm. Not a good routine for establishing some togetherness.

Try this... kiss him when he comes home from work. Greet him with a smile. Just simply changing this one small factor will kick start a new attitude in the home. I noticed an immediate shift in perception taking place when my children showed their father they had been waiting for him to come home and were always excited to see him. This is the basic attitude that, if practiced on a daily basis in simple yet profound ways, can shift your families priorities regarding Dad's role in the family and open the door to true bonding and appreciation for everyone.

Spend those weekends wisely, and don't forget to kiss him when he comes home from work.

Passionate Women

2009-05-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

As our lives continue to unfold, so does our longing to be cherished. Without it our soul feels depleted. For us, it is very simple. We need to be the reason for the adoration in his eyes. As he continues to bide for our touch and then our love, we bide for his love and then his touch. We can not truly give all that we are- if he does not love all that we are. This longing whispers to us like a faint child's cry, never faltering, never wavering.

Within our logic, we accept that to expect this is to lead to paths of loss and rejection, yet the longing imprisons us. We continue our lives, indulging in our own sensuality, a career, a home, ourselves, and material things; sometimes for moments of joy.

At times it haunts us again, and we feel we are floating without a raft in a sea of stone expressions and heavy hearts. This poetic dream of complete abandon is so essential, so fundamental for us, yet we sometimes endure an entire lifetime without it. We are dreamers of passion, caught in a world of only the physical, and precisely designed to draw it near like a puppet on a string...

Somehow, as time finds a way, our longing begins to fade, or transform, as inherent survival of the heart permeates our soul. Instead of waiting for that feeling to encompass our lives and define us, we learn to create that feeling within ourselves.

Our inner passion finds peace in the little things. We can look at a flower and feel we are seeing it for the first time. Sounds begin to have texture and colors more vivid. Our hearts are filled with joy at all earthly gifts we've been given. We find solace in friendships, art and the love of family.

As we continue on this path, we will have the choice to walk through the deepest forest, yet we will choose the meadow in front of us. Where we had once dreamed of the future, we now become one with the present. We literally find the answers- not just in our hearts, but in our our soul as we begin the journey into motherhood and true maturity of a passionate woman.

Funny Things Kids Say

2009-05-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

1. "Why do old people look like raisins? That's terrible." Daniel age 8
2. "Can you explain that in kid language now?" Rhiannon age 11
3. (To Grampy) "Did they have dinosaurs when you were little?" My nephew, David age 7
4. "Do butterflies make butter? Do bees make buzzum?" Daniel age 3
5. "Why don't adults play with toys anymore? I don't want to grow up." Rhiannon age 7
6. "Dogs are boys and cats are girls." Rhiannon age 5
7. "When the baby gets bigger in your stomach, you're going to poop it out!" Daniel age 6
8. "Why doesn't Dad get summers off of work? That's not fair." Daniel age 7
9. (Watching me put on make up before taking her into Tae-Kwon-Do class) "Why do you have to put on make up, Mom? You have a crush on my teacher!" Rhiannon age 7
10. "I'm sooo tired from raising my hand in school. YOU think YOU'VE got it hard taking care of the baby?! Try raising your hand in school all day!" Rhiannon age 11
11. (After asking who messed up my folded laundry...) "A naked person came in and messed it up" Aidia age 3

To Be

2009-05-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

To bring color to a life
like paint to a canvas
To be the one to show the way
when the world has no direction
To understand someone's been hurt
when they've been hurting others
To believe a love of "things"
leaves less room for love itself
To be the arms to fall upon
anytime someone has fallen
To see the bigger picture
To not be afraid to ask
and not hesitate to answer
To know of the harder path
and walk it anyway
To know when to teach
and when to learn
When to be powerful
and when to empower
To willingly re-evaluate and grow
To grow up while already being grown up
To be present, right now
To be who we are meant
To Be

Give Them Room to "Feel"

2009-05-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

Words. From an infant learning to talk, words dance like trickling water over a glistening brook. From a child's curious and questioning nature, they warm hearts and inspire fairy tales. As teens, words are imperative to challenge and question what was, with what is. By adulthood, we can manipulate words with more precision and thought, in which they become tools to acquire the actions or reactions we desire. We can mold sentences like clay and create art from letters on a page.

With years behind us of speaking words, listening to them, writing and following them, why is it that adults are still not very good at containing them? Instead, we sometimes scorch surrounding listeners like a fire breathing dragon. The answer is simple...because we "feel", and when we feel angry, our words come from that place that doesn't rationalize as well as we'd like it to...our heart.

Relevant question to self: Why are children not given their "growing and learning years" to acquire the skill of 'containing'? I see the irony. This explains why our generation of adults don't have it down. The old school way of parenting (be seen and not heard) kind of ruled that out. Although, still prevalent today, if a child starts to vent, the punishment process kicks in gear. I'm not talking, of course, to the parents who allow their children to "feel", I'm talking to the ones who don't.

I know that sounded harsh, but I'm guilty of it, too. I've stubbed my toe and barked out a few obscenities like a dog. Yet, when my children stomped around the house pouting because we had a last minute cancellation of plans to the movies, I sent them to their room with a raised voice and shaken finger.

Within their world of worries, children have it just as hard as we do. They may not have the agony of financial crisis or relationship chaos, but they're brains are also still growing (duh) and therefore everything they experience is coming at them like balls in a batting cage.

Here's the deal. I'm writing this for me. Well, to be honest, everything I write is subliminally for me...Anyway, I'm going to make it a goal starting today (it's 5:30 am right now), to really try to allow my children to "feel" more without making them feel bad. In other words, I'm going to implement once again the rule that my husband and I set regarding punishment that I keep forgetting about when my daughter's anger makes me want to lock her in her room for a week...

Give them the room to "feel" things and be angry, as long as they aren't directly taking it out on people, property, or themselves. Anger can be healthy, because it's a child's way of figuring out where that situation that angered them fits within that file cabinet in their mind, and they're in the process of filing it. If they don't file it, it keeps coming around on cleaning day. By the way, my daughter is very tidy, and I do love her for that.

It's a wonderful gift to give a child to allow them the opportunity to "feel" anything that comes to them, and as they grow they will figure out ways to cope with life easier through of the process of filing, instead of fear. And don't forget, if they see their 40 year old parent breathing fire when they lose their keys, they may have a little harder time learning.

.

Why Do Children Love the Word "Butt"?

2009-05-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

I tried everything, just about. Firm voice, time out, restriction from everything except food...Then turned the wheel 180 degrees and tried the ignorant approach (which I just see as condoning).

However, that word has continued to linger...that word which is music to his ears and brings him such joy...that word which magically turns his melancholy moment into a circus of laughter...that word which once heard is followed by ten minutes of giggly repetition like Chinese water torture to my ears...that word...Butt.

I've heard the giggles are normal, and I've taken care of enough children over the years to definitely agree. Children just love it. The question is, what IS the right way to handle it? Let's just go the traditional route and examine the results...

1. Firm voice. "Daniel, I've told you that it's inappropriate to say that word. You're talking about privates, and that's why they're called 'privates', because you aren't supposed to share them with the world.
Worked for one day.
2. Threats. "That's enough, Daniel. You're going to have to go in your room for a time out." Worked for one day.
3. Restriction. Well, that doesn't work with Daniel because he's a total homebody and threatening to keep him home is like threatening him with Spongebob.
Worked for one day.
4. Ignoring. Yeah... Pretty funny. Makes for good parenting when your child says it right in front of you and you say nothing.
Worked for one day (on my end).

Of course, this blog isn't only about butts. As we parents know, the list is more lengthy than that. There's also fart, poop, turd, and all the other bodily functions/anatomical words they've been exposed to at their age (not my fault, of course). Anyway, I made a breakthrough and thought I'd share it with my fellow flustered parents. So, feel free to apply the following advice to any word that your child tortures you with the most...

5. Positive reinforcement. No brainer, right? Keep reading. I'm getting specific.

Get a jar or cup, let them decorate a piece of paper with a plethora of words that will brainwash them into wanting to be mannerly, like "I'm smart", "I've got class", "Manners show I care", "People smile when I'm polite", and stuff like that. Then, tape the paper to the cup and tell them that for each polite or mannerly act they will get a nickle in the cup. However, for every inappropriate word they say, a nickle comes out. Then, you're recognizing the positive, yet not ignoring the negative. If they have no nickles at the end of the week, reassure them that next week will be better because they're practicing, and everyone gets better with practice.

Worked for a few weeks. Success!!!

Yeah, a few weeks isn't into adulthood. However, they do eventually grow out of it, and at least you countered it with a little dose of self confidence and focused on why it's important to be mannerly, instead of just focusing on that word. After all, as "Dr. Phil" says, "We're not raising children, we're raising adults".